Deleted Scenes

Below are a few deleted scenes. Please click on them to view.
Episode 6 SCENE: A House Party
Episode 3 Scene Eleven - ANSWERPHONE
Episode 2, Scene Eleven - Billy Connolly’s Office
Pilot Script, Scene 6: Mr Headman's Office

The Lord Mayor of Canterbury, Pat Todd was approached in January 2007 about the possibility of making a cameo in Episode 6 of KONKERS playing the Lord Mayor of Konkerbury. He happily accepted the offer, and was furnished with a script. Unfortunately recording dates were postponed due to various factors, and Pat Todd's tenure as Mayor drew to a close before the series was ready. Consequently the scene was not recorded, and was removed from the script. This was quite a disappointment to the KONKERS team, (and - we like to think - to Mr Todd himself, being the good sport that he is).We present the scene for the first time.

Episode 6 SCENE: A House Party

MICKA: Aren’t you the . . .

LORD MAYOR: Lord Mayor of Konkerbury? It’s the chain that gives it away isn’t it?

MICKA: What are you doing here?

LORD MAYOR: Mayor’s have to have fun as well you know. Those City Council meetings can get awfully dull. It’s all “what are we going to do about the loose paving slabs? Who’s going to judge the marrow contest? Why’s the bin day changed to Thursday?” That’s not what I went into politics for.

MICKA: No? Tell me, why did you go into politics?

LORD MAYOR: Well isn’t it obvious? The girls. The machismo. The bling.

MICKA: I see.

LORD MAYOR: I’ve got big plans for this city, I can tell you. The cathedral? That’s going. I know this property developer with his eye on it. Wants to make it into apartments, it’ll be worth a fortune

MICKA: Can you do that?

LORD MAYOR: (AS IF IT’S A RIDICULOUS QUESTION) I’m the Mayor. No-one messes with the Mayor. Also I’m going to redirect funds to help rebuild the city wall

MICKA: Well that’s good I suppose. Looking after our heritage.

LORD MAYOR: No, for defensive purposes. In case of invasion.

MICKA: Invasion? From who?

LORD MAYOR: (CONSPIRATORIALLY) Who can tell? Invaders. Better safe than sorry, that’s my motto. I’ll have a drawbridge put in, then we can raise it, keep ourselves safe. There’s enough food in Tescos to keep us going for a while.

MICKA: I see.

LORD MAYOR: Don’t worry, if there’s a siege I’ll let you into the keep. And you won’t be on the list of those who have to be eaten.

MICKA: Eaten?

LORD MAYOR: I’m talking worse case scenario here. If the enemy are trying to starve us out, I’ll make a list: People who can be eaten straight away will go at the top; people who I’d rather not eat until I have to will go at the bottom. I’ll let you go at the bottom.

MICKA: That’s very kind.

LORD MAYOR: Not at all. And if it gets to the point where there’s no-one left to eat, that’s when Plan B comes into play.

MICKA: Plan B?

LORD MAYOR: I’ve got a friend, lectures up at the University. In the science department. Astrophysics. I’ve been slipping him extra funding All hush hush you understand.

MICKA: And what’s the funding for?

LORD MAYOR: He’s building me a rocket. (HUSHED) You know that scaffolding in the park?

MICKA: They’re doing up the war memorial, and putting in a cycle path.

LORD MAYOR: Nah, that’s just the cover story. I’m having a hangar put in under the ornamental fountain. When the time comes: 3-2-1 blast off. It’ll be like Thunderbird 1. Off I’ll go into orbit. Oh, I’ve thought of every eventuality

MICKA: I see.