Welcome to Konkerbury City Council
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Have your say!
Gordon Carmichael, age 56 from Konkerbury says:
“I’m fed up of all the students in Konkerbury. I was walking my dog on Wednesday evening and saw 3 full recycling bags left outside a Student-let house. Every body knows that recycling is collected every other Monday! These inconsiderate students expected the rest of the street to put up with having to look at their recycling for 5 whole days! In my opinion locals should unite in a petition to close the University down once and for all.”
Local Councillor David Glossop replies:
“We take your concerns seriously Mr Carmichael. We understand you must have found the experience of seeing other people’s recycling bags very distressing. We also understand that, in your eyes, this upset outweighs the part students play in the local economy. Students make up a sizable portion of the custom of local pubs, clubs and restaurants; not to mention supplying land lords and estate agents with income through the constant need for student housing. Perhaps you would like to come down to the Council Offices one afternoon and help us work out a strategy for keeping the city alive through the tourist trade alone. And if you would also like to deliver the news of redundancy to the entire staff of Konkerbury University this would also be appreciated.”
Famous Locals
A new scheme will see an increase in the number of famous Konkerbury locals. “It has never escaped the City Council’s attention that nobody of any great consequence has ever been born in Konkerbury,” says the scheme’s deviser, Councillor Mark Treadle, “so we’ve decided to pilot an innovative new scheme of recognising all the celebrities who have at some point stopped in, or passed through, Konkerbury.” The list includes:
- Alice Beer (former Watchdog presenter) - who came here on a family holiday when she was 10, but still has fond memories: “I was only little, but I remember having a nice few days there,” says blonde Alice, 42.
- Bernard Manning (late comedian) - who was a perennial favourite in the Konkerbury Christmas Pantomime, and even scripted the 1997 pantomime Ali Baba and the 40 Thieving Arabs.
- Barry Scott (face of Cillit Bang) - has a holiday home in a nearby fishing village.
- Terry Nutkins (famous 8-fingered naturalist) - once stopped at the petrol station on the Konkerbury outer ring road. But he didn’t want any petrol! Abdul Kahdin, 36, from Konkerbury was working in the petrol station at the time: “he didn’t want any petrol! He just stopped his car, and started reading a book. I said to my colleague hey, is that Terry Nutkins? And it was! He came in to buy some mints eventually. It really made my day!”
Councillors have proposed a statue of the 4 celebrities that could be unveiled on the High Street later this year.
